Why I Don’t Get Interviews #2

Pics were added to make it more interesting. They were not included in the original.

Dear Hiring Manager,

I’m interested in learning more about your position of Game Master.

You are looking for a few skills:

– Avid MMO gamer with a passion for MMO games
I have been gaming for a long time, in fact, back since the original MUDs. I have, however, toned down the amount of online gaming I’ve done because of things like anger. Not on my part, mind you, but from the significant other. Of course, would you want someone who is constantly playing another game other than yours?

I didn’t even have COLOUR in my MUDs. No sirree, I was hard core.

– Superior attention to detail
Yes, that would be me. For example, do you know how many spelling mistakes there are on the job posting in your company’s website?

‘candidtates’, ‘exiting’ (instead of exciting), and ‘tihnk’, to name a few. I would go on, however, I’m not working for you yet. I don’t mean to be cheeky, but I thought that this may be a test.

Who likes a Grammar Nazi? No one. There’s no way they’re giving me this job. Not that I’m a grammar nazi…

– Excellent communication skills
Amongst other things I’ve done, I am an instructor. I used to instruct and train students (Grades 2 – 12) and adults. In fact, I am usually the go to person for explaining board games to my friends. That may not sound impressive, but maybe you don’t have enough geeks in your life. It’s hard keeping their attention span if it doesn’t apply to whatever fantasy is going through their minds at the time. I should know, I’m a geek.

Actually, people probably wonder about me. And I’d be thinking about Totoro.

– Analytical/Research Skills
My previous job required me to research and find different ways to engage students in technology as it pertained to the Ontario TDSB Curriculum. Furthermore, I love doing research on creativity, to the point of reading Mihály Csíkszentmihályi books on Creativity and Flow in my free time. If you have read those insanely dry books, you can tell my level of commitment to research is phenomenal.

Furthermore, am I analytical? I am a computer programmer. I can happily comply with that accusation.

– Ability to adapt and prioritize
Currently, I perform in an improv, geek, music duo. I also do improv and short sketches on youtube as well. I can adapt. And I’ve worked with children. You need to be on your toes to stay ahead of the randomness that is the childhood psyche.

Also, my previous boss liked to give me a number of things all at once, all due the next day. This, of course, happens everywhere, according to what I read in “Dilbert”. Regardless, I have learned the ability to prioritize.

– Must have customer service experience
As a technology camp supervisor and administrator of a number of camps around the city, I have had to interact with parents. Some of them angry. And I deal with them really well. If you think that is not the toughest group to appeal to, try threatening a baby bear cub.

However, if that doesn’t convince you, I also used to work in Network Support at IBM. I had to service developers, not known for their abilities to be social or admitting when they have made a mistake. They are, however, still much easier than parents.

I also work with actors too. Hopefully they won’t read this resume.

– Good investigative skills
If I said I enjoyed playing old school adventure games, would that count in my favour? Probably not, however I see this falling in line with the above skill of Research and Analysis.

However, as I have mentioned before, I am a computer programmer. I have spent hours searching for the cause of one error with patience, tenacity and not resorting to rampages throughout the office. It takes a special type of a person to do that. That special type of person is me. Although my friends may say I’m special for different reasons.

I played the Sherlock Holmes Infocom Game! Isn’t this convincing enough?

I believe that I have the right combination of qualities and skills to make a fantastic employee and would welcome the opportunity to meet with you to discuss my qualifications in person. If you think my particular skill set may be applicable for another job within your company, by all means, refer me. I have obviously not touched on my other skills which don’t pertain to the job, but you will find it on my CV.

Due to the fact that more than one applications of mine have failed because of attachments, I have included a text resume. Feel free to ask me for a pdf and references.

Sincerely,

Errol Elumir